A Call to Do No Harm

One of the most consistent themes throughout Scripture is the call to love our neighbors and do them good—not harm. Philippians 4:5 urges us to “let your gentleness be evident to all,” and this gentleness is not passive—it’s active, intentional, and rooted in love. Harming others is the opposite of loving them. It’s a manifestation of sin, and it leaves a trail of pain in its wake.

A little prayer in 1 Chronicles 4:10 gets to the heart of this: "And Jabez called out to the God of Israel, 'If only You would bless me and enlarge my territory! May Your hand be with me and keep me from harm, so that I will be free from pain.'"

Jabez, whose name means one who causes pain, is asking to be kept from sinning or harming another, so that he would not experience the painful consequences.  This leaves me wondering about the intent of his prayer.  Was he praying to be kept from sin because he wanted to avoid pain or was he praying to be free from harming others out of compassion?

As earlier in the prayer Jabez was asking God to bless and enlarge his territory, it seems that he is most likely praying this out of compassion and care.  A prayer of enlarging of his territory, is praying to be stretched, which is painful. As the Backlund’s would say, great faith comes from great fights.  Great testimonies from great tests and great triumphs from great trials.   

 He realized from birth that he had the capacity to cause others harm and desired greatly not to do this, so God answered his prayer. As a result of this, he was honored above his brothers.  His restraint in not causing others harm made him weightier--respected, great, and rich inside.

We all have the ability to harm others—through words, attitudes, even body language. I once worked a suicide hotline and received weekly calls from a woman devastated by her twin sister’s cruel words. One day, after a particularly painful exchange, she took her life. The tragedy was unbearable. And I often wonder how her sister felt, realizing her words had inflicted such irreversible damage.

I’ve also experienced bullying firsthand. As a child, I was picked on for my weight. One boy, eager to impress the popular girls, pushed me off my bike and beat me up. The trauma lingered. I didn’t just feel unsafe—I began to see others as potential threats rather than possible friends.

Years later, that same boy reached out on Facebook. He never apologized directly, but I sensed regret. I chose to honor his desire to change. Sometimes, people remember only the harm done to them—not the harm they’ve caused. But healing begins when we take responsibility.

I love that Step 8 of AA is to examine our lives and look at those we have harmed—reaching out to make amends. While we cannot control if someone will accept an apology, there is something powerful and healing in making amends, attempting to repair the damage that we caused in the past. 

Here is how to begin:

1. Reflect on your relationships and identify those you may have harmed.
2. Define the “harm” you caused them—emotional, physical, psychological, or financial.
3. Examine the traits that contributed to your actions—were you critical, impatient, neglectful, or self-absorbed?
4. Apologize to the person and make amends the best you can.    Acknowledge their pain and take ownership for you’re your mistakes.  If the person has a tendency to be harmful themselves, apologize in a letter and mail it to them.
5. Recognize that sometimes the harm to others is less than you thought, but the harm to yourself was greater.  Don’t beat yourself up over past choices but bring it before God, forgiving yourself and inviting His healing power.   Speak life and forgiveness over yourself.

This process brings healing. It shifts us from blame to responsibility, and from shame to restoration.

There is something about reaping what we sow.  When our words cause other’s harm, we reap out of this into our own lives.  We are harmed.  We open the door to the wrong kingdom and invite chaos and damage to ourselves.

Jesus was the complete opposite of this.  As the people wanted Him to be crucified, the most painful sort of death, He willingly paid for their and our sin.  He brought healing to the pain.  And knowing people reap out of what they sow, He asked for forgiveness for them.

Recently, the Lord gave me a word in my sleep: anodyne. It means something that soothes or relieves pain. It also refers to something inoffensive—gentle, healing, safe.

We are called to be anodyne to others. When people lash out, it’s often from pain. Their cruelty stems from deficiency, not sufficiency. Our response isn’t retaliation—it’s compassion.

Years ago, I worked beside a woman who had been demoted from the role I was hired into. She was bitter and accusatory, twisting my words and making work feel like high school all over again. That Christmas, I asked the Lord what I could give Him. He told me to write her an apology letter and fast for her over the holiday.

It felt unbearable. But I obeyed. When she returned, she was transformed. Not long after, she was promoted again—and invited me to her celebration. That’s the power of being an anodyne.  It is looking past our own pain and hurt to see others in their challenges, always seeking their good.    It is pouring hot coals on their head to warm their hearts and share the undeserved goodness that we receive everyday ourselves from the Lord.

This brings me to my last point.  In the camp of the Israelites, there were not those who came to the tent to enjoy worship and others who came to serve.  All were called to serve.  Everyone had a place they were called into.   It was in the serving of others that they became an anodyne. 

Everyone has a place to serve in God’s Kingdom.   There is not to be this separation of those who receive and those who give.  It is in giving that we receive.   God calls everyone to this place of serving others and bringing healing to the world. 

Lord Jesus, forgive us where we have caused others Pain.  If only You would bless us and enlarge our territory! May Your hand be with us and keep us from causing harm, so that we will be free from pain.