Ask, and it will be given you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. (Luke 11:9)
For years I had strove to achieve success and security. I was a devoted worker who always seemed to rise to the top where I was at. I found out what it took to do the job and did it. I was not afraid of hard work and could be very focused. What it got me was emptiness and eventual burnout and depression.
Then I found something worth pursuing. I found the Treasure that has captivated my heart. I have worked hard and been very focused in pursuing knowing Him. Until now, it has paid off incredibly. Up until June 16th, I have seen more of God in my day than most people see in their week. So much so that I often don’t share a lot about my walk with other Christians because it may rub them the wrong way.
God has been my song in the night and my cloud by day. I have had a wonderful and incredible time with Him – every day of my life. He has never been far from me, even in discipline. Under His eyes I have found true peace (Song 8:10b NJB).
As of June 16th, things have changed in my life. I feel like my life has been turned upside down. Journaling is hard. Praying is sometimes difficult and dry. I often struggle to connect with God. I will get up early and go to my prayer room to talk with Him only to find that I am not always hearing from Him or getting what He is speaking. Some days, I will just sit there. While I felt I was connecting with God in prayer for the service this last weekend, when I went to service, my heart felt completely disconnected to His heart.
Outside I probably look like everything is fine but inside I feel like I am falling apart. I am trying everything to rearrange my life to connect with God. I think to myself, if I just get it right, I will see God. I will hear from Him. Meanwhile, I am crumbling inside.
My devotion for the day says “Never Stop Knocking.” Fenelon asks, how many rebuffs and setbacks are we willing to endure, how much suffering for worldly glory and vain glory that ends with nothing but remorse! Would I not knock all the harder for something that is genuine?
Where do I go from here? I am working on getting a spiritual director in my life. I have also been inviting friends who I know are strong in their walk to speak into my life. I am not sure where to go or what to do. Oddly enough, I have also seen some fruit in my life during this season at different points in time.
Lord, I wait as my soul cries out, “When shall I come and appear before God? My tears have been my food day and night…” Please correct me and redirect me. Forgive me where I have gone astray. Fill my life with Your love.
Then I found something worth pursuing. I found the Treasure that has captivated my heart. I have worked hard and been very focused in pursuing knowing Him. Until now, it has paid off incredibly. Up until June 16th, I have seen more of God in my day than most people see in their week. So much so that I often don’t share a lot about my walk with other Christians because it may rub them the wrong way.
God has been my song in the night and my cloud by day. I have had a wonderful and incredible time with Him – every day of my life. He has never been far from me, even in discipline. Under His eyes I have found true peace (Song 8:10b NJB).
As of June 16th, things have changed in my life. I feel like my life has been turned upside down. Journaling is hard. Praying is sometimes difficult and dry. I often struggle to connect with God. I will get up early and go to my prayer room to talk with Him only to find that I am not always hearing from Him or getting what He is speaking. Some days, I will just sit there. While I felt I was connecting with God in prayer for the service this last weekend, when I went to service, my heart felt completely disconnected to His heart.
Outside I probably look like everything is fine but inside I feel like I am falling apart. I am trying everything to rearrange my life to connect with God. I think to myself, if I just get it right, I will see God. I will hear from Him. Meanwhile, I am crumbling inside.
My devotion for the day says “Never Stop Knocking.” Fenelon asks, how many rebuffs and setbacks are we willing to endure, how much suffering for worldly glory and vain glory that ends with nothing but remorse! Would I not knock all the harder for something that is genuine?
Where do I go from here? I am working on getting a spiritual director in my life. I have also been inviting friends who I know are strong in their walk to speak into my life. I am not sure where to go or what to do. Oddly enough, I have also seen some fruit in my life during this season at different points in time.
Lord, I wait as my soul cries out, “When shall I come and appear before God? My tears have been my food day and night…” Please correct me and redirect me. Forgive me where I have gone astray. Fill my life with Your love.
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