My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways." (Proverbs 23:26)
Jesus says in Matthew 5:27-28, “You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Dallas Willard writes, “Actions are not impositions on who we are, but are expressions of who we are. They come out of our heart and inner realities it supervises and interacts with.” Our heart, is our will according to Dallas.[1] It is the place of choice where we say yes to those things that move us toward God or yes to those things that move us away from God.
Dallas Willard writes that exercise of the will is a choice. It is the “capacity of the person to originate things and events that would not otherwise be or occur.” He notes that to originate includes both freedom and creativity. He writes, “These are really two aspects of the same thing when properly understood, which is the power to do what is good -or evil.” [2]
Proverbs 11:23 says, “The desire of the righteous is only good..."
Too often, it is easy to see sin as those actions we do wrong that cause ourselves and/or others harm. We say or act in a way that causes us regret. When we repent, we are repenting for the actions we took on the negative thoughts that ran across our minds. However, too often we do not repent of sinning in our heart towards God.
For instance, when someone cuts us off in traffic, we may identify the sin if we shake our fist at someone but not for angrily swearing under our breath and desiring the same thing would happen to them.
Proverbs 16:23 says, “The heart of the wise teaches his mouth, and adds learning to his lips.”
David knew of his need to repent of what was going on in his heart when he cried out in Psalm 139:23-24, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Dallas Willard writes, “The thought of sin is not sin and is not even a temptation. Temptation is the thought plus the the inclination to sin -possibly manifested by lingering over the thought or seeking it out. But sin itself is when we inwardly say 'yes' to the temptation, when we would do the deed, even though we do not actually do it.” [3]
When someone causes me harm, I will often react negatively in my thoughts. I then fight with myself about those thoughts. And hopefully, as I take hold of scripture that says do not repay evil for evil, I will refuse to act on my thoughts and look to bless them instead. However, even when I don't act on my thoughts, I will sometimes judge them in my heart by their actions, hold a grudge, and then find it hard to desire their good.
Too often we will judge other's intentions towards us as evil when they cause us harm. However, when we act in a way that causes someone else harm, we use excuses and say to ourselves that our 'intentions' were not bad. We judge other's intentions by their actions and we judge our actions by our intentions.
Proverbs 15:28 says, “ The heart of the righteous studies how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil.”
With someone has caused me harm and I have not fully forgave them and let it go, I may carry an inner resentment that can at times come out unexpectedly. Proverbs 28:13 says, “He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.” Rather than dealing with the sin in my heart, I cover it up and hope it goes away.
I won't mean to cause a person harm in return, but my actions slip towards this direction. I will prefer to avoid the person where possible rather than enjoying to be around them. The word of God says, 'honor all people' (1 Peter 2:17) so I will work hard to honor them in my actions. However, I do not honor them in my heart. And my body language and actions will often give me away when I am around them.
Proverbs 15:26 says, “The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the Lord, but the words of the pure are pleasant.”
What often gets me in trouble is my thought life. My beliefs, attitudes and experiences or perceptions about someone or certain events go in a direction that eventually leads me to sin. And sometimes will dwell on negative thoughts and play out sinful reactions in my mind.
Our thought life needs to be renovated. And to change our thought patterns, we need to stop old negative thought patterns when we become aware of them and change what we think on. Rather than dwelling on the worst possible scenario, we need to extend grace to others and hope and believe for the best in them and for them.
Philippians 4:8 says, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
I say this but I struggle with how to live this out. As an example, just recently I had some problems with my car so I had the maintenance done on it. They gave me the car back telling me everything was fine. Within a few days, my check engine light was on and I had engine problems. I called the shop and got the car back in for them to look at it. They then told me that my car needed a tune up for an extra $500. To be honest, I was not thinking the best of them or believing the best in them at this point.
However, not only do our thoughts need to be renovated but also our feelings. Dallas Willard notes that thoughts and feelings always go together. As I think negative thoughts about someone or something, I also have negative feelings towards that thing or person. He writes, “The connection between thought and feeling is so intimate that the 'mind' is usually treated as consisting of thought and feeling together.” [4]
Dallas Willard notes that our feelings make good servants but poor masters. As one article mentions that our emotions are not our enemy, they are part of who we are. It states, "Emotions propel us through life. Our destructive emotions call us to respond to ourselves with kindness, acceptance, and patience. We can learn to neither abandon ourselves to their indulgence, nor to blame ourselves for their arising."[5]
This article makes a couple of suggestions for putting to death destructive emotions. First, we need to acknowledge and be aware of our destructive emotions. The second crucial element for working with these states, according to the article, "is the willingness to let go of the emotion, to let go of nurturing and dwelling on the cause to which we ascribe the emotion. If, in our mind, we keep ruminating over the unpleasant event or situation, then we feed the wrong side in ourselves, giving energy to our downward emotional slide."[6]
Finally, this article notes that "we must find a way to 'own' our destructive emotions. Take the example of anger. As long as I inwardly blame another person for “making” me angry, I am feeding my anger." [7]
What can also get us in trouble at times are our past experiences and judgments. For instance, if we had a traumatic experience when we were young where we were robbed and beaten by a bald man with a tattoo, this can impact our thoughts and perceptions going forward. We may judge all bald men with tattoos in our heart as evil. When we encounter a bald man with a tattoo, we instantaneously have a negative reaction towards them, feeling tremendous fear.
Leanne Payne calls this phenomenon 'transference.' [8] It is where we transfer our perceptions and judgments subconsciously from one person to another. It is defined as “the unconscious redirection of feelings from one person to another.” [9]
How it works is that when we encounter a person who reminds us of someone whom we do or did like and who is or was important to us, we infer, unconsciously, that this person is like this person. According to one source, “a myriad effects arise from this, including inferring that traits belong to the new person that in fact belong to our significant other.”[10]
According to this source, most frequently, it is associated with inappropriately relating someone presently in your life with an important relationship in one's childhood. It involves "the redirection of feelings and desires and especially of those unconsciously retained from childhood toward a new object." [11]
Leanne Payne notes that a small amount of transference happens in many of our relationships on a regular basis. Where it is a problem, is when it becomes idolatrous and one looks to the current relationship rather than to God to meet some important need that was lacking in one's
childhood.
For me, it is humbling to admit it, but I believe God has been speaking to me this week that I struggle with transference. This is especially true with people in authority in my life.
With men in authority, how this has played out in my life is by an immediate reaction of fear and intimidation (which is how I felt towards my father). The transference is hard to mistake since the fear has in times past been overwhelming for me. However, as I have experienced positive male role models of authority in my life, this initial reaction of fear and intimidation has subsided substantially.
With women in authority, it has been much more unclear to me how transference plays out. I know it is an issue, but it is much more difficult to put my finger on since it does not involve a strong immediate emotional reaction. I believe how this has played out in my life is by a strong desire for independence and separate decision making authority.
My father was violent when he became angry, and when my sister and I were young my mother would often protect us, stepping in the way. As the pressure grew in our household around violence, my mother had a nervous breakdown and was eventually hospitalized for a period of time. Her behavior had became unusual and decision making impaired. At this time in my life, I became fairly independent and was making my own decisions for myself. While I was deeply concerned for her, I think I failed to esteem her the same.
Whatever the reason for our thoughts or feelings, the good news is that there is an unlimited supply of mercy and grace as we look to God. He is longsuffering, quick to forgive, and does not repay us according to what our sins deserves.
One article notes that our problem's often arise from our fractured nature. Our emotions, our mind, our body, and our spirit all push or pull us in different directions. The spiritual challenge calls us to integrate our heart into our whole being. Within that wholeness, all our parts find transformation." [12]
He paid the price so that we could be made whole. As we look to Him, there is healing for those things in our lives that make us bent towards our sin. And as we put to death thoughts and feelings bent toward sin rather than acting upon them, we find greater and greater life in the Spirit.
Paul says in Romans 8:13, “For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.”
But when we act on sinful thoughts and feelings by our words and/or actions, those thought patterns take deeper root in our life and begin to bear fruit. We will reap from whatever we sow. Proverbs 22:8 says, “He who sows iniquity will reap sorrow...”
Steven Covey once said something like, “it is not the snake the bites you, but chasing that sucker that drives the poison to your heart.” It may be painful when someone sins against us, but it is not the harm that someone else does to us that poison's our heart, it is our own thoughts, feelings and actions of sin in retaliation.
Paul says in Galatians 6:7-8, “ Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.”
When we repeatedly entertain certain thought patterns and feelings and act upon them, they become strongholds. Beth Moore defines a a Stronghold as, “anytime you are preoccupied by a destructive thought processes..which exalts itself over the truth and scripture of God.”[13]
However, even in strongholds we are not helpless or hopeless. Paul says in 2 Corinthians 10:4, “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.”
One commentary notes about this verse, “Paul cast down all rationalizations. He took captive to the obedience of Christ every perception and intention of the heart that was against God. Our actions reveal our thoughts. We should not cling to thoughts that do not conform to the life and teachings of Christ. Paul did not walk according to the flesh or his worldly desires; instead he conquered the flesh. He explains his strategy in 1 Cor. 9:24–27: “I discipline my body and bring it into subjection.” [14]
Paul says in Galatians 5:24, “those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.”
Too often, we live with our flesh and its passions rather than finding mercy for them, coming to Jesus and allowing them to be crucified. We become comfortable in our sin and think it does not matter that much. Proverbs 1:32 says, “For the turning away of the simple will slay them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them.”
Thomas Kempis writes, “Through neglect we may quickly lose that which by God's grace we have acquired only through long, hard labor. What, eventually will become of us who so quickly grow lukewarm? Woe to us if we presume to rest in peace and security when actually there is no true holiness in our lives.” [15]
Proverbs 8:13 says, “The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; Pride and arrogance and the evil way and the perverse mouth I hate.”
We need to hate evil so that we desire to get rid of it in our lives. According to Dallas Willard, this is especially true with crucifying ungodly emotions.
According to Dallas Willard, “One has to feel strong revulsion toward the wrong feeling one now has or is likely to have and at the same time strong attraction to good feeling that one does not now feels. He notes that this is necessary in order to 'put off the old person' and 'put on the new person.' If we hate having the feelings, we will take steps to avoid them. [16]
Often, hating old habits and behaviors comes from having consequences as a result. When we 'hit bottom' and decide that the pain is no longer worth the short term pleasure, we will change. Dallas Willard notes that proverbs are full of wise sayings about good and evil feelings in life: [17]
- “He who loves pleasure will become a poor man; he who loves wine and oil will not become rich (21:17)
- “The heavy drinker and the glutton will come to poverty, and drowsiness will clothe a man with rags.” (23:21)
- “A cheerful heart has a continual feast.” (15:15)
Two especially destructive patterns of emotion that I struggled with in my life have been self pity and anger. Not too long after I was saved, I realized they were sin and destructive in my life. I began putting them to death. When the feelings arose, I made a choice by my will not to act on them. Because anger was especially a stronghold for me, I also went through a study guide designed to help me identify and work through the root causes of my anger. While I didn't always hit the mark, over time, I became better and better at identifying my sinful feelings, the reasons for them and looking to God rather than acting on them.
Romans 8:13 says, “For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.” It is the Spirit that empowers us to put to death the old nature and walk according to our new nature in Christ. And Paul says in Galatians 5:25, “If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.”
We are all called to live and walk in holiness. Ephesians 1:4 says, “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight.” However, it can seem like a very steep path at times.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer writes, “To be called to a life of extraordinary quality, to live up to it, and yet to be unconscious of it is indeed a narrow way. To confess and testify to the truth as it is in Jesus, and at the same time to love the enemies of that truth, his enemies and ours, and to love them with the infinite love of Jesus Christ, is indeed a narrow way. To believe the promise of Jesus that his followers shall possess the earth, and at the same time to face our enemies unarmed and defenseless, preferring to incur injustice rather than to do wrong ourselves, is indeed a narrow way. The way is unutterably hard, and at every moment we are in danger of straying from it.” [18]
He goes on to write, “If we regard this way as one we follow in obedience to an external command, if we are afraid of ourselves all the time, it is indeed an impossible way. But if we behold Jesus Christ going on before step by step, we shall not go astray. But if we worry about the dangers that beset us, if we gaze at the road instead of at him who goes before, we are already straying from the path. For he is himself the way, the narrow way and the strait gate. He, and he alone, is our journey's end.” [19]
It is in Him that we find 'the way' that is impossible by any other means. He is the beginning and end of all wisdom. Proverbs 9:10 says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” By Him alone, for Him alone, and through Him alone do we find the steep and narrow way as the place we can proclaim, “He brought me out into a spacious place” (Psalm 18:19).
Too often, I get my eyes off Jesus and on to the path that is before me. I want to perform well and not sin. I work hard and wrestle with trying to force my actions to follow His commands. However, I am looking to get it all right rather than seeking Him alone as my journey's end. To an extent, I am not seeking His friendship but His (and my own) approval through my performance.
Proverbs 16:2 says, “All the ways of man are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirits.”
When our eyes of off of Jesus, we are bound to sin. Bonhoeffer notes that it is possible to even do works of Christian charity and give our lives away without having Christ and the Holy Spirit. He writes, “But Christ's followers must ask by what ultimate criterion Jesus will accept or reject them. Who will pass the test, and who will not? The answer lies in the words of Jesus to the last of the rejected: 'I have never known you.'” [20]
In the last day he notes, “there is nothing left for us to cling to, not even our confession our obedience. There is only his word: 'I have known thee' which is his eternal word and call.... If we follow Christ, cling to his word, and let everything else go, it will see us through the day of judgment.” [21]
Proverbs 16:3 says, “Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established.”
One commentary notes about this, “It is a very desirable thing to have our thoughts established, and not tossed, and put into a hurry, by disquieting cares and fears,—to go on in an even steady course of honesty and piety, not disturbed, or put out of frame, by any event or change,—to be satisfied that all shall work for good and issue well at last, and therefore to be always easy and sedate. The only way to have our thoughts established is to commit our works to the Lord. The great concerns of our souls must be committed to the grace of God, with a dependence upon and submission to the conduct of that grace (2 Tim. 1:12); all our outward concerns must be committed to the providence of God, and to the sovereign, wise, and gracious disposal of that providence. Roll thy works upon the Lord (so the word is); roll the burden of thy care from thyself upon God.” [22]
Committing our works to the Lord is not an act of doing but of trusting. We trust Him and let Him lead, committing our concerns to Him and looking to Him. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct [make straight] your paths.”
When we are in the moment of temptation, we need to 'roll the burden' of care for ourselves upon God. Rather than thinking that we have to defend ourselves or protect ourselves, making our own way, we can lean into God in dependance and submission, knowing He is in control and more than capable of caring for us. Rather than react in sin, we can choose to act in obedience when our eyes are off ourselves and on Him.
Paul says in Romans 8:5-8, “For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.”
Lord, forgive me for the so many ways that I have set my minds on the things of the flesh. Forgive me for the complacency I have had towards sin in my thought life and indulgence. Forgive me for transference. I don't even know where to start to make changes. I just know that “He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.” (Proverbs 28:l3) May I find much mercy.
Lord, Thank you for your unending grace and mercy. Keep our eyes fixed on You and draw us into greater holiness. May we not grow complacent or weary, but like Paul run the race with our whole hearts, minds, souls, and strength - in a way to win the prize. You are worthy of all we have to give!
1-4. Willard, Dallas. Renovation of the Heart: Putting on the Character of Christ. NavPress. 2002.
5-7., 12. Destructive Emotions. Inner Frontier: Cultivating Spiritual Presence. Located at: http://www.innerfrontier.org/Practices/DestructiveEmotions.htm Last Accessed: 12/22/10
8. Payne, Leaane. Transference. Restoring Personal Wholeness Through Healing Prayer. Volume II. 2000.
9-11. Transference. Wikipedia. Located at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transference
13. Moore, Beth. Located at: http://www.womensbiblecafe.com/2009/11/10-bible-verses-strongholds/
14. Radmacher, E. D., Allen, R. B., & House, H. W. (1997). The Nelson study Bible : New King James Version. Includes index. (2 Co 10:4). Nashville: T. Nelson Publishers.
15. Kempis, Thomas a. The Imitation of Christ. Dover Publications, Inc. Mineola, New York. 2003.
16-17. Willard, Dallas. Renovation of the Heart: Putting on the Character of Christ. NavPress. 2002.
18-21. Bonhoeffer, Dietrich. The Cost of Discipleship. Touchstone, New York, NY. 1959.
22. Henry, M. (1996, c1991). Matthew Henry's commentary on the whole Bible : Complete and unabridged in one volume (Pr 16:3). Peabody: Hendrickson.
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