Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

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“Now the apostles and elders came together to consider this matter. And when there had been much dispute, Peter rose up and said to them: 'Men and brethren, you know that a good while ago God chose among us, that by my mouth the Gentiles should hear the word of the gospel and believe. So God, who knows the heart, acknowledged them by giving them the Holy Spirit, just as He did to us, and made no distinction between us and them, purifying their hearts by faith. Now therefore, why do you test God by putting a yoke on the neck of the disciples which neither our fathers nor we were able to bear? But believe that through the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ we shall be saved in the same manner as they.” (Acts 15:6-11)

Suddenly something happened unexpected- the Gentiles were coming to know Christ and forming bodies of Christians. Peter, was the first to witness this.

Peter, like most Jews, initially believed that knowing Christ was only for the Jews. However, when He was sitting on his housetop praying and fell into a trance. During this time, God made it clear that what the Lord called cleansed that he must not call common. Then the Lord told with him to go with the three men that came. Peter went with them to the house of Cornelius where many Gentiles had gathered together.

Peter spoke to them, “You know how unlawful it is for a Jewish man to keep company with or go to one of another nation. But God has shown me that I should not call any man common or unclean.” (Acts 10:28)

Peter proceeded to preach the gospel to them and, as he did, the Holy Spirit fell powerfully upon them. They were speaking in tongues and magnifying God. Peter quickly recognized the clear evidence of the Holy Spirit at work and offered to baptize them in the name of the Lord.

Very soon after, contention arose about Peter going to this group of 'uncircumcised men' and eating with them. The overall prevailing view was that he was totally out of order by doing this. He was forced to defend Himself of demonstrate that it was a work of God among them.

Even as the Christians were scattered after the persecution, they preached only to Jews. They (the prevailing view) believed that Christianity was only for them. It was some Jewish men from surrounding areas of Cyprus and Cyrene, who when they came to know the Lord then went on to Antioch and spoke to the Hellenists about Jesus. The hand of the Lord was with them and a large number turned to the Lord. (Acts 11:19-21)

Over some time, because of the clear hand of the Lord, the Jews began to embrace these new Christians. Barnabas was sent to them from Jerusalem, who then sought out Saul to come join him at Antioch to be among these new believers.

However, a little later on, conflict then arose around circumcision. Some of the Jewish believers began to put their own expectations of religion on the Gentiles, telling them they must be circumcised and follow the Law of Moses to be saved. The issue was brought to the Jerusalem Counsel. Who, after debate, agreed not to add burdens to them other than asking them to abstain from things offered to idols, from blood in meat, from things strangled, and from sexual immorality. (Acts 15:24)

Expectations formed the basis to some extent of how people thought Christianity should look. Even when they agreed that the Christians did not need to be circumcised, the Council still requested they abstain from rare meat or something that has been strangled for example.

Jesus fulfilled the law completely. Sometimes we can put our expectations on others and demand them to conform to our image of being a Christian.... We add burdens of things they need to do and/or judge them where they do not live up to what we think a Christian should look like. This is really clear with people who are homosexual, live with a partner, or are an unwed mother for example. We forget that we all sin and fall short. 

Rather than judging others and putting extra burdens on them, we can pray for them and show them mercy.  We can lift their burdens like Jesus, by coming along side them and being their friend rather than add to them.    Jesus said in Matthew 9:13, "But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."


Francis Frangipane writes, "The reality that compels God's heart, which is the underlying principle of our own redemption, is this, 'mercy triumphs over judgment' (James 2:13).  To live a life of mercy corresponds perfectly with God's heart.  Mercy precisely fulfills the divine purpose: to transform man into the Redeemer's image."[1]

Most often, however, judging or adding burdens to others is not that obvious.   Like the  Jerusalem Counsel, we think we are being helpful to them as we give our opinion and input.   We think we are adding value by presuming what they need.

Like everyone, I have my own little stories and woundings from other's expectations. As a fairly new Christian, I remember listening to these tapes on fasting and them really speaking to me. For whatever reason, things seemed to come in my direction around fasting. Then on a few occasions I was invited into a fast. As I fasted, I noticed God met me powerfully in it. It was really encouraging. At the same time, someone gave me a 'word' that intercession was a gifting that I had.

I remember going out and buying a book on intercession because I didn't know what they meant by it. It was called, “Intercession, Thrilling and Fulfilling.” As I read it, I became so excited about it that I told someone who was a Christian influence in my life. Their reaction was negative. They thought that God had more significant things for me than intercession and that fasting was bad for my health and I shouldn't do it. While I didn't take their advice, it left me with an underlying fear around thinking I was hearing from God and really being off course and causing myself harm.

Also, as a fairly new Christian I was having this experience of God's presence on me continual for a period of time. It just rested on me giving me this sense of God with me continually and peace. I knew God was with me tangibly and so it became really easy to talk and turn to Him throughout the day. Anytime something came up to take this tangible sense pf peace away from me, I would surrender it to God as quickly as I could work through it so I could have this sense of peace again. Until I became a Christian, I had not known peace so I think I especially valued experiencing this.

I was careful about not telling anyone about this experience because the one time I did, I got the look. Since I was a fairly new Christian, the person I told didn't see me as spiritually mature enough to experience such a gift. I could sense the thought process that I had to earn it or deserve it in some way.

Then for some years, I spent time reading books and learning how to experience this gift and trying to earn it rather than just receiving it. In the midst of this, something happened and this sense of His presence with me in the physical sense of peace resting on me with a weight seemed to lift.

Some of it was busyness with a new job, other reasons were worry, and perhaps studying too much on how to experience this gift. Also as I matured, I think perhaps God felt I didn't need to sense His presence the same tangible way to know He was with me in the moment. Perhaps some of it is actually becoming used to a sense of peace too as so I am not as aware of it.

I guess the point this is bringing me to is that it is easy to think we know what another Christian needs in order to grow in their relationship with God. Some of this can be helpful, but we can also be quick to put requirements on others without even realizing it.

I can think of some examples where I have done this. One example, a young friend who was looking to me on how to walk out her spirituality, she went through a period of her life where she questioned everything about God and faith. During this time, she gave up most Christian engagement and reading her Bible. This was incredibly upsetting to me. From my standpoint, she was falling away from her faith and giving up. Looking back, I can see where I was judging her and putting expectations on her.

In other instances, I can think back to giving a few people a look because I was judging them in my heart for doing things out of the ordinary. It is safe for people to be conservative, but when people are extravagant in their acts of worship, sometimes they can be seen as going overboard.

I think of Mary of Bethany who poured her bottle of alabaster jar of expensive perfume over the head of Jesus. Many commentary note that this was probably her entire life savings and dowry. Matthew 26:8 says, “When the disciples saw this, they were indignant. "Why this waste?" they asked.

While Judas was the one to speak up because of his greed (John 12:4-6), both the book of Matthew and Mark refer to a group that was indignant. They were caught in offense and indignation over this woman's extravagant worship that was outside of ordinary behavior. They expected different behavior from her such as selling the jar of oil and giving the money to the poor.

Only God knows the heart and everyone is wired to express their faith different. Mary has been known throughout history for this extravagant act of worship while others who have given even more significant amounts in value to serve and help the poor may be completely unknown.

Perhaps a much better approach than thinking we understand what someone else needs or what is God's will for them is to hold space for them to discover how God is working in their life. Really where our hearts need to stay focused is on loving God and others. Instead of having expectations, we (speaking of myself here) can focus and point out where we see God working in their lives and help them discover what God might have for them in it.

If someone is giving away their house to someone for example, rather than gasping and assuming they are going overboard or being taken advantage of, we can ask questions. Why are they doing it? What is their hope in it? How do they feel about it? How do they think God sees it? What is in their heart around this? What ways do they feel this may be living out the gospel?

I think we don't have to get it all right but if we are carrying expectations(which we all probably do), God will help us with them and confront them.   In both the example of the Gentile believers and Mary of Bethany, the Lord graciously confronted the limiting expectations.  With Peter, He even gave him opportunity to then defend this to others who carried the same expectations.  

Most often, the one we put the greatest expectations on are ourselves.  We expect much of ourselves.  We are our greatest taskmaster and can load ourselves down with unrealistic burdens.   We expect ourselves to do more than we are doing, to get more right, to be more compassionate and merciful (speaking of myself).

Kevin DeYoung writes of people who easily feel a sense of responsibility and feel bad for not doing more.  The more we know the gospel, the more we see or are involved in, and the more we know there is to do in His name... evangelism, prayer, caring for the homeless, widows and orphans, visiting people in prison, and oh ya don't forget to read the bible, have some time set aside for devotions, and be available to friends, family and those in need. [2]

He writes about feeling guilty about the stuff we are not doing and notes, "I think most Christians hear these urgent calls to do more (or feel them internally already) and learn to live with a low-level guilt that comes from not doing enough." [3]

This is true for me -I can never do enough and always feel a tinge of guilt when I hear of all the needs and things undone.  Sometimes when I pray for something especially, I really have a desire to be involved.  It is hard for me to stand back and pray while not becoming engaged.

I imagine this is especially true for those in ministry.  In ministry one is expected by others as well as themselves to be continually giving out.   Sometimes Jesus would just sneak away for awhile when all the people would be seeking Him out and pressing on Him for more.   While He was compassionate, He also understood His own limitations and gave Himself grace.  As Kevin DeYoung notes, even Jesus didn't meet every need. [4]

Also, I think that when we allow ourselves to put expectations on ourselves that are not ours to carry, we will probably also have more a tendency to do this to others as well.   We are to love our neighbor as ourselves (Mark 12:31).  But when we fail to love ourselves well, I believe we often do not have the same capacity to love others well either.

Lord, forgive me where I am presumptuous and assume I know what someone else may need or what their walk of faith should look like. Also, forgive me where I take on responsibilities that are not mine to carry.   Help us to let go of any expectations we may carry of ourselves and others, like with the Jewish Counsel, that are not your requirements. Confront false expectations and help us to fully embrace Your goodness and help others to do this as well.

1.       Frangipane, Francis.   Identified With Sinners.   Email 1/31/14.  Taken from his book:  The Power of One Christlike Life.
 
2-4.   DeYoung, Kevin.   Crazy Busy: A (mercifully) short book about a (really) big problem.   Crossway, Wheaton, IL.  2013.