“Together they formed the first day.”
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| Located at: Darkness to Light - NC Ministries Serve Trafficking Victims (ncfamily.org) |
I never tire of reading Genesis. When God began creating the heavens and earth, the Holy Spirit brooded over what was lifeless, void, dark and chaotic. He filled it with life and abundance, fruitfulness and purpose.
When God entered my life, it was void, dark, chaotic and full of despair. I didn’t want to live and hadn’t wanted to since I was fairly young. The first time I attempted suicide was at 13. For years I plotted my death for my 18th birthday and studied suicide. Having some attempts on different occasions and testing the waters, I spent time in care facilities with others who attempted suicide. I casually interviewed other people who failed at it so I would know how to be more effective and adjusted my plans accordingly. But then 40 days before my 18th birthday, I had my son. While having a child this young is not an easy path or best for a child coming into the world, it saved my life.
Joy, despite my circumstances, came bursting into my life the day my biological son was born. Having him totally reordered my life. As I needed to care for someone else outside of looking out for my sister, I needed to step out from the disfunction I was living in, the choices I was making as a result, and think about what my son needed. It set me on a path to not only finish high school when I had failed every class for the last 5 or 6 years and had more hours of detention than school hours, but to get freedom from an addiction and also eventually go to college to become an accountant to have greater stability for him.
While this changed my path and my will to live, I still had wave after wave of depression and despair that would flood my life. Then came the day I came to know Jesus. My life drastically changed and I started to experience healing from past pain. Wounding, strife, distrust and despair began to be pushed out. My ways of thinking that were negative, dark and full of self-pity were being replaced with a sustaining hope, sustaining joy and goodness.
I was in my prayer room one day in my basement and had a vision of Jesus. He was wearing all white and He came by with such a smile on His face. He saw this worthless rock that was on the ground that nobody wanted. He picked it up, polished it off and it became this beautiful blue shining gem pendant He wore on the front of his white jacket vest as he was wearing an all-white suit. He was proud of it and wanted to show it off. I was so taken off guard by this that I fell down on the floor sobbing.
I knew who this worthless rock was. It was me. While I was married, raising our son and had a career, everything in my life was falling apart. My husband and I were talking divorce and I was becoming incapacitated to work. I felt totally worthless in the midst of it as I was becoming unable to function because of growing mental health issues with anxiety, phobias, depression, shame, strife and despair. Every day I still thought about suicide but refused to act on it because of my family.
God loved me to life and pushed out all the darkness and replaced it with overflowing joy that I could hardly contain it on occasions. There were times that I thought I would literally burst with all the joy that came flooding in. And if it wasn’t enough to set me free, He also pushed out the ways of thinking of myself.
Once when I was really ill and laying down in my prayer room, I had this encounter with God as my Father. He showed me the sun, moon, stars, and even blades of grass. I knew He made them and knew every detail of them. He showed me colors and how he created everything in such diversity. He then showed me people. He stood outside of time and the people were from age to age. He knew everything about each one of them— every hair on their head was known and loved.
Every baby who cried, He knew and was there. There is nothing outside of His care and purview. When I saw all this and how great and immense He was, I became disheartened and asked Him, “Why would you bother with me? I am not even a speck of dust in a moment of time.” He then told me, “Twila, I created you in the center of My heart.”
At that moment, He became my Father and I became His daughter. I took His hand as He took mine, and I never want to let it go. After having that vision, I went around with tears streaming down my eyes for a week as I called myself His daughter. Tears wouldn’t stop streaming from my eyes even as I did my responsibilities. Even today, remembering this time still brings me to tears.
All that to say that I know His hovering love that broods over darkness and chaos and creates life. Life with Him takes on meaning. He fills places of darkness with love, light and overflowing goodness. He is Love and in Him there is no darkness at all. He took my chaotic mess and in His brooding love, planted seeds of life, watered them and gifted me with fruit of joy and peace in place of pain and loss.
“Lord, I am amazed by You, how you love me” sings.
In the beginning, He didn’t destroy darkness, chaos death, void and hate. Rather, He brought in life to what was devoid, dark, and lifeless and pushed it into it’s proper place. The first of His creation was to bring light and divide it from the darkness. He called light day and darkness night. Together they formed the first full day (Genesis 1:4-5).
There are these opposites in creation that are separated out. There is not only light and darkness but air and water that were separated. There is dry land and oceans. Then He filled His creation full of abounding life. He multiplied and stocked the oceans, air and ground with life. Seeds produced grass and plants to feed all that he gave life. Then came man.
“How deep, how wide, how great is Your love for me.”
With thoughtful and deep love, He said to Himself, “Let us make a man—someone like ourselves, to be the master of all life upon the earth and in the skies and in the seas.” (Genesis 1:26) He placed us right at the center of it all in His garden and blessed us, telling man to not only multiply and fill the earth but giving us purpose to subdue it and rule over it.
In the center of the garden where He placed us, He placed two trees. One tree is the Tree of Life and the other tree, is one that leads to death. One is life giving, bringing forth good fruit that leads to eternal life, and the other is the knowledge of good and evil that, while the fruit tastes good, ultimately brings death. Eating the one tree requires obedience and trust, where eating of the other one must choose disobedience and self-sufficiency. Rather than be with God, one becomes like God, judging good and bad and right and wrong in themselves, others and the world around them.
Paul asks and answers in Romans 14:10-13, “So why do you judge your brother? Or why do you despise your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ. For it is written: ‘As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to Me, and every tongue shall confess to God.’ So then each of us shall give an account of himself to God. Therefore let us no longer pass judgment on one another, but rather determine not to put a stumbling block or an obstacle in a brother’s way.”
God never took darkness from the earth. Rather He injected life and pushed the darkness back into a right and orderly place. He then created man and gave us choice and will. He let us rule while giving us the freedom to choose the right way. This is most clear from the trees. While God desired us to eat from the tree of trust and obedience that brought forth good fruit, He gave us the choice of the other and let Eve and then Adam eat of it.
Like a great and loving Father, He also let man experience the consequences of our actions. Rather than enable us and protect us from the results like the murder that was to come with Cain and Able, we were lovingly clothed and then placed outside of the garden for our own good.
From our disobedience in eating the fruit, we had swallowed seeds of darkness leading to anger, violence, ingratitude, inaction, intolerance, perversion, chaos and further disobedience. But God never left us because of it. Rather, He shut the door to the garden to protect us and came outside the garden with us.
We see this with Genesis 4:6-7 (LB) where the Lord confronts Cain for the growing darkness and fury within him towards his brother in envy and spite. He says to Cain, “’Why are you angry?’ the Lord asked him, ‘Why is your face so dark with rage? It can be bright with joy if you will do what you should! But if you refuse to obey, watch out. Sin is waiting to attack you, longing to destroy you. But you can conquer it!”
Darkness was never taken out of creation but in love, God made a way for us to bring forth life in the midst of it and push it back. Jesus said, “you will always have the poor among you.” In other words, we will always have disparity, division, loss and darkness. Yet, the Light is always present to penetrate the darkness. We overtake darkness and evil by goodness. Life and love births forth right in the midst of the darkness and brings joy. It is so joyful and feels so victorious because there is evil present that we conquer. If we never knew hate, void and emptiness, we would not experience the same joy and fullness with abounding goodness and overflowing love.
Joy feels so amazing because I once knew such despair. Yet, sometimes I can look at the darkness around me and feel defeated. I can count everything that is wrong and project it out, disasterizing. When I do this, I am forgetting in my own life the darkness and despair I once held. It was out of the darkness that light came powerfully shining in with His smiling face behind it. Because there is darkness, there is hope of Light displacing it. Because there is hate, there is hope and longing for Love to displace it.
His brooding love changes everything. It hovers over our darkness and brings light. How could we hold onto hate, envy, strife, shame, self-pity or any sort of evil in His presence? None of it can stand in His presence as we look upon His face. His love is penetrating and there is no room for any darkness to remain. I love because He loved me. I forgive because He forgave me.
While sometimes I want to hold grudges, I would have to let go of His hand to remain in it. While I have a choice, there is no comparison. If I squeeze His hand a little tighter, sooner or later, the overflowing, sacrificial love from Him will begin to flow through me too. Grudges have to do with unforgiveness and judgement. Paul says about judgement in Romans 14:12, “So then each of us shall give an account of himself [not others] to God.” And 1 John 4:17 says, “By living in God, love has been brought to its full expression in us so that we may be fearless in the day of judgement.”
“Put me anywhere, just put Your glory in me. I’ll serve anywhere, just let me see Your beauty” sings.
Just as in the garden, sometimes God plants the seed rather than a tree. The seed of life that is implanted in us needs to be watered and nurtured. As it does, it begins to grow and flourish. The Word of God is like a seed. While we take it in, it may seem small. But as we let it be watered and grow by His love and we nurture it by acting on it as best we can, it begins to take root and flourish in us– eventually bearing fruit not only for us but for others. And when we are struggling with external hardness, the deeper we let the roots of His Word grow, it breaks up our hard surface soil and goes underneath, driving deep into the rich and tender undersoil.
We were meant to flourish in places of light and life. Psalm 1:1-3 (LB) says, “Oh , the joys of those who do not follow evil men’s advice, who do not hang around with sinners, scoffing at the things of God: But they delight in doing everything God wants them to, and day and night are always meditating on his laws and thinking about ways to follow him more closely. They are like trees along a riverbank bearing luscious fruit each season without fail. Their leaves shall never wither, and all they do shall prosper.”
As this Psalm reflects, flourishing is about bearing fruit that can feed others. Flourishing is not just God pouring His blessings out on us but rather having luscious fruit that contains seeds for others to eat from. It is about loving others the way that He loves us. Paul goes on to say in Romans 14:19 that rather than judging our brother, “Therefore let us pursue the things which produce peace and the things that build up one another.”
Flourishing, the Hebrew word parach, Strongs #6523 is not only about budding and bearing fruit but it is also the word for soaring. I heard someone say recently in a group of messages about kindness that we only fly as high as our kindness to others. Paul also says in Romans 15:2, “Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, leading to edification. For even Christ did not please Himself.”
Do we live our lives to cater to our flesh in fulfilling our own dreams and pleasing ourselves or do we genuinely live our lives for others, causing them to flourish?
It is only as we live in God, putting ourselves aside and serving others that we soar. We build each other up in Christ to be the mature Bride. Paul prays for the Church in Romans 15;5, “Now may the God of perseverance and encouragement grant you to live in harmony with one another in accordance with Christ Jesus, so that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
And commentary notes that “our efforts for God should be measured by the faith and obedience to God’s Word that is produced in others through the genuine work and power of the Holy Spirit.”[1]
Paul says straightforward in 1 Corinthians 14:1(LB) in ministering to others, “LET LOVE BE YOUR GREATEST AIM; nevertheless, ask also for the special abilities the Holy Spirit gives, and especially the gift of prophecy, being able to preach the messages of God.”
We live in His love and share His love with others, pushing out the darkness around us. Rather than feeding it with judgment, unforgiveness and grudges, we bring the Light to bear in others by first living in it ourselves but then sharing it with those around us.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 gives us a reflection of this love we receive and give away to others. It says, “Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. If you love someone you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.”
As I wrote some 16 or so years ago but it is just as relevant today, “Every day is a journey and a learning experience --how to live with God in my life; how to live my life for God; and, how to fellowship with him. I don’t want to fellowship with Him because I want something from Him. When I was young in the Lord and still struggled with much fear, I used to cling to His presence because it brought me security. It made me feel safe. Now I just want His company; I just want Him in every area of my life.
Life flows from having a relationship with God. Love flows from loving God. On our own, we have very little to give to others. But with God at the center of our life, we have an unlimited supply of everything that is needed for all God asks of us.
Love. Give everything of yourself. Not for what you can get out of it. Not wasting time on busy work without meaning. But living thoughtfully, with Christ at the center. Love, in all situations. Don’t separate parts of your life as secular - know you are called to love in everything. Unrestrained. Not with starts and stops but a continuous flow “fountain of love” that is available for all that need a drink. With no lusts or attached hooks - pure love. The love of devotion to Christ that has nothing to lose and everything to gain. Overcoming obstacles of fear and rejection.
That we may love much and love well!”
Father, I never want to let go of Your hand and I know it is a hand of deep and unending love. Forgive me for sometimes holding onto grudges or being unforgiving. Help me with this. The only thing I want to hold onto is Your hand. You are never absent from my life and You love me so unconditionally. I love when you cup my face in Your hands and call me daughter. It melts my heart like nothing in this world can. I want to love others like that. As it sings in the background, “Father, would You show me Yourself. I want to know You more… You are setting me free…. I see You are a Father to me… Abba, I belong to You.”
Lord, if there was not darkness, the victory of overcoming it through You would not be as sweet. You make my heart come alive. “Through your glorious name and your awesome power, we can push through to any victory and defeat every enemy. For I will not trust in the weapons of the world. I know they will never save me. Only you will be our Savior from all our enemies, all those who hate us you have brought to shame. So now I constantly boast in you. I can never thank you enough! Awe inspiring miracles are accomplished by your power, leaving us dazed and astonished. (Psalm 44:5-9, TPT)
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