but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

  

“O God, You have declared me perfect in Your eyes; you have always cared for me in my distress; now hear me as I call again.  Have mercy on me.  Hear my prayer.” (Psalm 4:1, LB)

 David starts out this Psalm out viewing himself through God’s eyes and proclaiming his trust in the Lord. He reminded himself first of how he appeared to his Father in heaven and then how he has always been able to count on him. 

 In some scriptures, it is implied that David was a child that was birthed out of wedlock or his family thought this about him.   This fits with David being left out of who Jesse presents to Samuel when asked to present all his sons.   In bringing his own sons, it did not dawn on him to include David.

 David was busy tending the sheep.   Sometimes this can appear so sweet to have such a job.  But here is a young boy who sleeps out in the wilderness all alone with the wild animals all around. Not only this, but he is surrounded by tempting food for these wild animals—the sheep to protect.  Many shepherds out alone were mauled to death by wild animals.   David was most likely expendable in the eyes of his earthly father.

 In Psalm 69:8 David proclaims, “I have been a stranger to my brothers and a foreigner to the children of my mother.”  The words here are much stronger than implied.  Foreigner here means that he was loathed by his brothers as like one born of adultery. 

 This fits also with the way that his brothers mocked him when he came to bring them some food.  In 1 Samuel 17:26-29 there is a conversation where David asked the men standing near him, “’What will be done for the man who kills this Philistine and removes this disgrace from Israel? Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God?’ They repeated to him what they had been saying and told him, ‘This is what will be done for the man who kills him.’ When Eliab, David’s oldest brother, heard him speaking with the men, he burned with anger at him and asked, ‘Why have you come down here? And with whom did you leave those few sheep in the wilderness? I know how conceited you are and how wicked your heart is; you came down only to watch the battle.’ ‘Now what have I done?’ said David. ‘Can’t I even speak?’”

 It wasn’t what David had done but who he was in the eyes of his brothers and earthly father.  He had lived under this view of himself through their eyes that he was loathsome, unlovable and disgusting.  He received the message over and over again that he was worthless and not to be heard or seen.  He was not valued by them.

 Whatever the situation, I see this frequently in clients where I work, at a drug addiction center.  Many have been devalued by others and themselves.   Part of the spiral downward in addiction is the voices that are believed about who they are.   They feel worthless and unlovable.   Often, the words that have been spoken to them and the words that they have spoken against themselves during their decline have been detrimental in their lives.  Something I pray daily, especially over the women coming out of addiction, is for them to know their value and who they are in Christ. 

God in His mercy, grace and love saw this boy David who was rejected and unloved.  He fathered David Himself and called him to serve Him.  He gave David a place of honor.  He not only did this for David but He did it in front of the eyes of his father and brothers.  It was very purposeful that David was anointed in front of Jesse and David’s brothers.

Selah.  We need to pause and think about this because it deeply mattered to God that this little boy was valued and treasured.  

Here David has so fully received this love, embraced this truth of who he is to God and lived under it that He can proclaim that the Lord has declared him perfect in His eyes.   Despite his failings or shortcomings, David can see that the Lord sees Him as beautiful and perfect in His eyes.

 In Psalm 139:13-14 David proclaims, “You formed my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are Your works, and I know this very well.…”

When these voices play over and over in our head, the become what we live under.   When I was younger and contemplating suicide regularly, I also struggled with an eating disorder.  Because I placed no value on myself, I easily was caught up with what other people thought of me. 

I was also overweight when I was young.  I was picked on for this in school and somewhere along the lines, trying to appease others by the way I presented myself because of a strong feeling of worthlessness became something that I fell into.  It was out of these feelings of self-hatred and trying to get affirmations from others that I controlled my eating and sometimes vomited back up my food.   And as I did this, I just loathed myself all the more. 

When I first came to the Lord, I felt Him speak to me to look in the mirror and speak over myself who I was in Christ.  This was so hard for me to do as the things I said in my heart were harsh towards myself.   But as I did, I started sobbing and began to be delivered from this feeling of worthlessness and shame-based identity. 

Over time, I have been healed of a great deal of these feelings of worthlessness and replaced these lies with who Christ says I am.  In Psalm 119:37 they pray, “Turn my eyes away from [looking at and believing] worthless things; revive me with Your word.”

While I would often see this as turning away from sin, I realized that self-degradation is sin. I am also to turn my eyes away from seeing myself by the world’s judgements.  As I speak what His word says about me, I turn away from worthlessness and I am revived in His word.

Humility is not self-degradation.  We quench the Holy Spirit inside of ourselves when we view ourselves as not having any value.  We are agreeing with the enemy.  Humility is about letting go of self-sufficiency because we can see ourselves as deeply loved and cared for by God.   It is about freedom to love as we have been loved. We stand in His sufficiency.

God would have us see ourselves from His perspective.  We can forget about trying to feed a need to be valued because we receive our value from God.  When we see ourselves as loved and cared for by God, it sets us free to be available for others and forget about ourselves.  Because our needs are being met, we can let go of striving and trying to prove ourselves and appease others.  Rather we can be present to love and value others the way that we are loved and valued.

While my encounter with God that day I spoke into the mirror about my value and other times would set me free for a time, I would get caught back into self-talk that would take me back down that road leading me to bondage to striving and people pleasing when I failed or was viewed harshly by others.  

I didn’t realize how much these voices still controlled my life until someone, who is loved much like an older sister to me, prayed over me for protection related to the voices I received into my mind.  Then someone very wise, dearly loved, and much like a spiritual mother, told me, “I put a spoonful of sugar into my coffee every day.”  Here, she was speaking of what she spoke over herself.   She put in her daily morning routine what God said about her.  This was incredible wisdom for me and has helped me immensely. 

It helped me not only to see myself differently but the way that I operated in life.  The stiving I have struggled with my whole life has slowly ceased as I am more and more comfortable in my own skin.   I don’t need to prove something because Jesus has already proven it by His death on the cross for me.   Day after day, as I receive the words, I also receive His love.  

I didn’t realize that receiving trash about myself and agreeing with it was feeding my life. When I failed, I frequently would feed myself with bad food physically as I fed my mind with bad food mentally.  Feeding from truth gave me a courage a strength that I have never known before.  It has also taken the immense sting out of my failure and my beating myself up then turning to strive to somehow make it up.

Speaking the truth over myself daily and agreeing with it rather than what I was speaking over myself (and sometimes despite what I speak over myself) has greater and greater led to more empowerment and confidence as well as freedom from striving and self-sufficiency.  Because of it, I can give myself more grace and allowance rather than beating myself up for failing or falling short.   I have more peace and can genuinely enter into rest rather than striving.  

What does not help people with these voices is all the advertisements that people see about what they need to look like, how they need to act and what they need to own to have value.   It is clear from TV that people are important and valued because of what they own and how they look on the outside.  And as we strive towards the world’s standard of importance, it always eludes us as we can never have enough or do enough to be enough.   

Just recently I had a dream that there was a large dump truck of sugar that was being poured out.  I receive this as a huge outpouring of truth of who people are in Christ and their value!   Not only for myself but for every person I know, especially my youngest son who struggles with his worth from past trauma of being rejected by biological family.  God is so good that way!   He is not coming back for a self-degrading and striving to please bride.  Rather, He is coming back for His radiant Beloved—His heart’s joy and the center of His affections.

Ephesians 5:27 says that He will “present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”

Moses, when he looked upon God and came down from the mountain top from being with Him, his face glowed with such radiance that he had to cover his face as it made others around him uncomfortable. 

Jesus and the Father are radiant.    Psalm 84:12 says, "For the Lord God is brighter than the brilliance a sunrise."  And when John was taken up by the spirit to heaven, the One who was seated upon it was described as “sparkling like crystal and glowing like a carnelian gemstone.” (Revelation 4:3, TPT)

Radiance comes from looking upon Him, knowing who we are in Him, and agreeing with Him, rather than listening to and agreeing with the degrading voices that cause shame and diminish us.   Psalm 34:5 says, “Those who look to Him are radiant with joy; their faces shall never be ashamed.”   I have a close friend who had a mother who constantly criticized her when she was young.  But as she has meditated on the word over the years, she has a radiant countenance that stands out.  She literally glows with Christ and His love.

This radiant glow that Moses held from being with God and carrying back who he was to God and in God slowly faded until he went back up on the mountaintop.  Ever have this experience? You have a moment of knowing who you are in Christ, glowing with the truth of your belovedness, but then the lies creep in and begin to steal it?  Every mistake you make, you agree with the voice that says you're not enough.  Slowly, your radiance and joy fades as you begin to agree with the lies again about yourself.   It changes your countenance.

 Before I was a Christian, I remember seeing people with joyful radiant faces and deeply desiring this for myself but thinking it was unattainable.  While I admired it in others, I thought that I could never have this for myself.  The voices that spoke to me and that I agreed with were harsh and critical about myself.   It contributed to me feeling inadequate, full of anxiety and with a dark and depressed countenance.

 As I was a new Christian and the Lord was healing me of a great deal of self-condemnation in what I believed about myself, He spoke to me out of Isaiah 51 of what He was doing in my life.   It says in Is. 51:3, “For the Lord shall comfort Zion, He will comfort all her waste places; He will make her wilderness like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the Lord; joy and gladness shall be found in it, thanksgiving, and the voice of melody.”

 We do not need to allow ourselves to be overcome with the voices of the world that say that we are not enough and can never be enough. We can allow the Light to shine in and push back the darkness.  Jesus bore our shame for us on the cross so we no longer have to carry it.   In a time of difficulty, the radiant joy shining from our face is a noticeable differentiator.  As we arise and shine with the glory of the Lord, it draws others to the radiant Light within us. 

 Isaiah 60:1-3 says, "Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the LORD rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn.

 Lord, let the light of Your face shine upon us and make us radiant with joy as we believe who we are to You and in You.  And from this place of radiantly shining with Your goodness, let us be a light to all around us that many may find their worth in You. “Now may the Lord Jesus Christ and our Father God, who loved us and in his wonderful grace gave us eternal comfort and a beautiful hope that cannot fail, encourage your hearts and inspire you with strength to always do and speak what is good and beautiful in his eyes.”