Thoughts on Jean Vanier, "Becoming Human," Belonging
“Communion means to be vulnerable and tender, it means opening one’s heart and sharing one’s hopes and pain, even all that is failure or brokenness…
We’ve all seen the transforming power of love…. They move towards a gentle openness. Instead of protecting themselves behind barriers, they make themselves open and welcoming. A new freedom, kindness, and tenderness become evident…. Whenever we love, we are not alone. The heart is the place of our “oneness” with others… It is only once a heart has become mature in love that it can take the road of insecurity, putting its trust in God. It is a heart that can make wise decisions; it has learned to discern and to take risks that bring life. It can meet other people inside and outside of the place of belonging. It can meet people who have been excluded… The free heart frees others.”
Jean Vanier goes on to write “the science of the heart permits us to be vulnerable with others, not to fear them but to listen to them, to see their beauty and value, and to understand them in all their fears, needs, and hopes, even to challenge them if need be. It permits us to accept others just as they are and to believe that they can grow into greater beauty. The mature heart does not seek to force belief on others; it does not seek to impose a faith. The mature heart listens for what another’s heart is called to be. It no longer judges or condemns. It is a heart of forgiveness. Such a heart is a compassionate heart that sees the presence of God in others.”
I could quote Jean Vanier all day long. He says the most profound truths in such a simple and clear way. I only wish that quoting Jean Vanier would make me look more like him. Having had so many struggles, failures and weaknesses in my own life, my heart deeply goes out to those who feel on the outside of life. When I see someone feeling excluded and in pain, my heart goes out to them.
So why do I not look more like this?
1. I am too busy trying to accomplish a task or a goal. I am a very task oriented person by habit and I sometimes will sacrifice relationships with people to complete tasks more efficiently and effectively. My eyes get focused on performance because I see it as a way of getting approval and I put all my energy into completing a task well so I will feel approved of and I miss what was really important.
2. Rather than allowing myself to be open and available, drawn to those around me that need to feel accepted and that they belong, I sometimes can be focused on belonging for myself. I still sometimes see myself through the eyes of my years of bondage and depression, being on the outside of life. It is only when I am fully present to God and know that I am deeply loved and accepted that I am set free from the need to earn others approval and acceptance. As Jean Vanier notes, it is only a free heart that is free to set others free.
3. I put on my false self of trying to look good rather than being open, vulnerable, honest and present with all of who I am – even my weaknesses and faults. I want the approval of those I admire and respect so I try to be someone I am not. The problem is that I have not fully accepted my own faults, failures and weaknesses. When I see my weaknesses it makes me feel deficient and I shrink back from vulnerability. Since it is our weaknesses that drive us deeply into Christ, I need to learn to not only accept that they are a gift from God, but look to embrace them in myself and others with joy. They are places where God can be most evident in my life and the lives of others.
4. For years I lived with the initial perception that people did not have my best interests at heart or would reject me. Because of this, my initial reaction to people was to see them as a threat, be skeptical and shrink back from letting them in. And when people would fail me, rather than assuming they had good will and overlook their shortcomings, I would assume their intent was negative towards me.
Lord, forgive me where I fall into past behavior patterns. Thank you for all you have done in my life. Please help me to look at people and the world as You see it. Teach me to see as You see and to love as You love. I long to look more like You.
We’ve all seen the transforming power of love…. They move towards a gentle openness. Instead of protecting themselves behind barriers, they make themselves open and welcoming. A new freedom, kindness, and tenderness become evident…. Whenever we love, we are not alone. The heart is the place of our “oneness” with others… It is only once a heart has become mature in love that it can take the road of insecurity, putting its trust in God. It is a heart that can make wise decisions; it has learned to discern and to take risks that bring life. It can meet other people inside and outside of the place of belonging. It can meet people who have been excluded… The free heart frees others.”
Jean Vanier goes on to write “the science of the heart permits us to be vulnerable with others, not to fear them but to listen to them, to see their beauty and value, and to understand them in all their fears, needs, and hopes, even to challenge them if need be. It permits us to accept others just as they are and to believe that they can grow into greater beauty. The mature heart does not seek to force belief on others; it does not seek to impose a faith. The mature heart listens for what another’s heart is called to be. It no longer judges or condemns. It is a heart of forgiveness. Such a heart is a compassionate heart that sees the presence of God in others.”
I could quote Jean Vanier all day long. He says the most profound truths in such a simple and clear way. I only wish that quoting Jean Vanier would make me look more like him. Having had so many struggles, failures and weaknesses in my own life, my heart deeply goes out to those who feel on the outside of life. When I see someone feeling excluded and in pain, my heart goes out to them.
So why do I not look more like this?
1. I am too busy trying to accomplish a task or a goal. I am a very task oriented person by habit and I sometimes will sacrifice relationships with people to complete tasks more efficiently and effectively. My eyes get focused on performance because I see it as a way of getting approval and I put all my energy into completing a task well so I will feel approved of and I miss what was really important.
2. Rather than allowing myself to be open and available, drawn to those around me that need to feel accepted and that they belong, I sometimes can be focused on belonging for myself. I still sometimes see myself through the eyes of my years of bondage and depression, being on the outside of life. It is only when I am fully present to God and know that I am deeply loved and accepted that I am set free from the need to earn others approval and acceptance. As Jean Vanier notes, it is only a free heart that is free to set others free.
3. I put on my false self of trying to look good rather than being open, vulnerable, honest and present with all of who I am – even my weaknesses and faults. I want the approval of those I admire and respect so I try to be someone I am not. The problem is that I have not fully accepted my own faults, failures and weaknesses. When I see my weaknesses it makes me feel deficient and I shrink back from vulnerability. Since it is our weaknesses that drive us deeply into Christ, I need to learn to not only accept that they are a gift from God, but look to embrace them in myself and others with joy. They are places where God can be most evident in my life and the lives of others.
4. For years I lived with the initial perception that people did not have my best interests at heart or would reject me. Because of this, my initial reaction to people was to see them as a threat, be skeptical and shrink back from letting them in. And when people would fail me, rather than assuming they had good will and overlook their shortcomings, I would assume their intent was negative towards me.
Lord, forgive me where I fall into past behavior patterns. Thank you for all you have done in my life. Please help me to look at people and the world as You see it. Teach me to see as You see and to love as You love. I long to look more like You.
Comments