“I have come as a light into the world, that whoever believes in Me should not abide in darkness.” (John 12:46)
“He who believes in Him is not condemned, but he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten son of God. And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and dos not come to the light, let his deeds should be exposed. But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God.” (John 3:16-21)
Commentary notes about the verses in John 3:20-21,
“When Jesus was here in the world, sinful men were made uncomfortable by His presence because He revealed their awful condition by His own holiness. The best way to reveal the crookedness of one stick is to place a straight stick beside it. Coming into the world as a Perfect Man, the Lord Jesus revealed the crookedness of all other men, by comparison.
If a man is truly honest before God, he will come to the light, that is, the Lord Jesus, and realize his own utter worthlessness and sinfulness. Then he will trust the Savior for himself, and thus be born again through faith in Christ.” [1]
Condemnation is the Greek word krisis and translates as judgment, damnation and/or separation. [2] And light is the Greek word phos and means: 1. The truth and its knowledge, together with the spiritual purity associated with it. 2. That which is exposed to the view of all, openly, publicly. And/or 3. The ability to discern and understand moral and spiritual truth." [3]
“We offer all our lives for the glory of You, Lord for Your glory” sings.
Those who live in sin do not want to be exposed and live openly. Often they put on a front to be approved of and accepted by others, not even knowing their real purpose in life through God. They seek to get their needs for love and acceptance met by the world in the only ways they know how, by pretending and performing for others.
In John 5:41-44, Jesus says, “I do not receive honor from men. But I know you, that you do not have the love of God in you. I have come in My Father's name, and you do not receive Me; if another comes in his own name, him you will receive. How can you believe, who receive honor from one another, and do not seek the honor that comes from the only God?”
However, believing in Christ does not instantly stop people from seeking honor of men and bring people to a place of being comfortable about who they are in Christ, or give them the willingness to fully live in the light.
John 12:42-43 says, “Nevertheless even among the rulers many believed in Him, but because of the Pharisees they did not confess Him, lest they should be put out of the synagogue; for they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God.”
“Come, just as you are to worship, come just as you are before your God” sings.
The good news is that Jesus does not leave us in this place if we truly put our faith in Him. When we look to Him, He convicts us of our sin and sets us more and more free from hiding, fitting in, and people pleasing to live for honoring God and living in the light of who we were made to be.
An example is Nicodemus. He was a Pharisee and ruler of the Jews that first came to Jesus by night. He confessed that He know Jesus was from God (John 3:2). Later, in John 7:50, when the Pharisees and chief priests wanted to arrest Jesus, Nicodemus spoke up and said, “Does our law judge a man before it hears him and knows what he is doing?" However, it was not until after Jesus was crucified that Nicodemus was willing to come out of hiding and be seen as a follower of Christ. After Jesus died, Nicodemus accompanied Joseph, (another one who was secretly a disciple for fear of the Jews), and took His body to prepare it for burial. (John 19:38-39)
Hiding is something that came about with the original sin in the garden. When Adam and Eve ate of the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, their eyes were opened to their nakedness. They quickly worked to cover themselves. Then when the Lord came back into the garden to walk with them, they hid themselves. Adam told God, “I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.” (Genesis 3:6-10)
The feeling that Adam and Eve were experiencing that caused them to hide and cover up was shame. Shame is the feeling that there is something flawed about us that, if revealed and exposed, would make us unaccepted by others. Brene Brown defines shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.”[4]
She notes that shame is rooted in fear and it convinces us that owning our stories will lead people to think less of us. She writes, “We're afraid that people won't like us if they know the truth about who we are, where we came from, what we believe, how much we're struggling, or believe it or not, how wonderful we are when soaring (sometimes it's just as hard to won our strengths as our struggles).”[5]
Brene Brown notes that shame is about who we are. All people experience the feeling of shame at some points along their life. She notes that when we are shamed and keep it locked up inside of us, it festers and grows. It is bringing shame out and speaking about our experiences with people we trust that shame loses its power over us and we begin to cultivate resilience. [6]
Before I came to Christ, I held a shame based identity. I believed there was something deeply wrong with me at the core that could not be exposed. One with a shame based identity lives in continual hiding, believing that if we are exposed for what we think, feel, believe, and value, we will certainly be rejected.
We live in fear of being exposed for who we really are. Truthfully, we don't even really know who we are because we never exercise our beliefs and values for others to see. Instead, we go along with the crowd and try to fit in the best we can. One who lives in a shame based identity looks more like a chameleon, changing its colors with its environment to not be noticed or exposed -only doing and saying what is acceptable to the crowd they are in.
One way a shame based identity develops is from being frequently shamed over long periods of time, such as when parents use this as the form of discipline growing up. Shaming is a common practice in some homes, workplaces and societies as a way to get people to conform to certain behaviors.
When I was in one of my first treatment centers as a young teenager, shaming was a common practice to change behaviors. In this center, the one being punished was put in front of their peers wearing a sign that ridiculed them for their behavior for a period of time in front of everyone. While this kept me from doing any behaviors that would stand out, it also did not help me to be transformed or give up using alcohol or drugs. It just made me much better at hiding my bad habits and pretending in front of others.
When I was pregnant with my son, I experienced a great deal of shaming. I was a young mother (I had my son just 40 days before my 18th birthday). Some people would look down on me and say something like, “oh, your one of those.” More than anything I wanted to be a good mother.[a] I wasn't saved but I also started attending the local church I had went to when I was young thinking it was the good parental thing to do. However, I always felt this stigma of shame there so I soon quit.
At different points in my walk with God, He has given me freedom and delivered me from a shame based identity. As I have been set more and more free from this belief, it has given me freedom to become who God has made me to be. I am more and more free to share my beliefs, values, thoughts and ideas without worrying about if they are different than what others believe. I am free to own my story and become more and more me -even in all my weaknesses.
Jesus tells the Jews who believed in Him in John 8:31, “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
Shame moves us away from others, dealing with it by hiding, withdrawing, people pleasing, and sometimes aggressive and blaming behaviors. [7] Where freedom from shame opens us up to being vulnerable and authentic with others.
Brene Brown mentions that authenticity is not a gift or character trait, rather it is something we have to choose to practice. She notes that this is difficult in a culture that wants you to fit in and people please. She defines authenticity as “the daily practice of letting go of who we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we are.”[8]
Cultivating authenticity requires courage on our part and a willingness to move towards others. Brene Brown writes that choosing authenticity means:
- “cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable;
- exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle; and
- nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough.”[9]
As Brene Brown notes, it is difficult to put our true selves out in the world. It feels very vulnerable It can also create growing pains for others as we no longer conform to other's opinions. She writes, “Yes, there can be authenticity growing pains for the people around us, but in the end, being true to ourselves is the best gift we can give the people we love. When I let go of trying to be everything to everyone, I had much more time, attention, love, and connection for the important people in my life.”[10]
We can only be loved by ourselves and others to the degree we are willing to be honest and authentic about who we really are. If we genuinely want to be loved by others, we need to let others see even our weaknesses and imperfections. T.D. Jakes suggests that we need to learn to be as open about our failures as our successes. [11]
He writes, “We must wrestle to achieve a level of honesty that will keep us from being estranged from the ones we are connect to. We have to love and be loved by someone to the degree we can say, This is who I am, and it is all that I am. Love me and be patient with me. There is not telling what I will become, but today this is who I am.”[12]
T.D. Jakes goes one to write, “When you find someone who can see your flaws and your underdeveloped character, and love you in spite of it all, you are blessed. If the only way you can love me is after I have perfected my imperfections, then you really don't love me. As I progress I will always wonder, 'Do you love me for who I am?'”[13]
Love not only sees who people are in their weaknesses with compassion but sees the potential for who they are becoming. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13 that love hopes all things and believes all things. And in this place of vulnerability with all our weaknesses and imperfections, and potential of who we are becoming, we open ourselves us to genuine humility.
Paul says in Romans 12:3, “For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.”
Seeing oneself with sober judgment does not mean being overly critical of ourselves, but being real about who we are, in light of who Christ is making us to be, and our belief in His ability to complete the work that He started.
One article defines humility as “recognizing and accepting our own limitations based on an accurate and modest estimate of our importance and significance. The humble person recognizes he is one among the six billion interdependent people on this earth, earth is one planet circling the sun, and our sun is one of a billion stars in the presently known universe... Humility reduces our need for self-justification and allows us to admit to and learn from our mistakes. Our ego stands down.” [14]
“It's all about You Jesus... It's not about me” sings.
Humility gives us grace to love others in their imperfections and see the potential of who they can become in Christ. T.D. Jakes writes, “Come down from the lofty perches of superiority and wash the feet of the hurting. There are no differences in the feet of the washed and the feet of the one who washes them.”[15]
Pride is about superiority. When we feel superior to others it is often because we are seeing others weaknesses in light of our strengths. We are not seeing ourselves rightly with all our own shortcomings and weaknesses. Rather we are putting our confidence in our own strengths. Pride is not open and vulnerable or compassionate, rather it seeks to compare itself to and show up its brother.
When we have a performance mentality and judge our own worth based upon what we accomplish, pride can result. We are trusting in ourselves rather than God. Pride often feeds perfectionism as one strives for their worth by doing everything right. Then when we get it all right, we become self-righteous and proud. However, when we fail or our weaknesses are exposed so we do not look good in comparison to others, we feel insecure and inadequate.
Our worth is really based upon what we are doing rather than our faith in God. And when we are operating out of a performance mentality, we are drawing others to ourselves and not to God. We think to ourselves 'look it how good I am' versus 'look how good God has been to me'. We are seeking equality with God by getting everything right.
Paul says in Philippians 2:5-8 says, “Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross."
It takes humility in our lives in order to connect others to God. When we are authentic, letting others in to see who we really are with all our weaknesses and imperfections, it reveals God's hand, goodness and grace in our lives. People can see God at work and are drawn to Him (not us).
Being who we are and who we are created to be exalts Christ. Jesus says in Matthew 5:15, “In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”
Lord, there are so many areas that I can see I have been hidden and struggled greatly with being authentic or vulnerable. Forgive me for my lack of courage. I worry too much what others may think and sometimes struggle with feelings of shame when I am open and vulnerable.
Help us to be all that You have called us to be. Give us the courage to be authentic and open about who we are. Help us to face the uncomfortability of shame about our weaknesses and imperfections by being open and vulnerable with those we trust rather than hiding, pretending and covering up. Help us to be people that fully live in the light with others. And give us the humility to not only be real about ourselves, but full of grace for the imperfections and weaknesses of others. Thank You for all the ways You love us to life.
a. I had planned for years to end my life on my 18th birthday and becoming pregnant with my son totally turned my life upside down. It was because of becoming pregnant that I changed my mind and decided to live. I went to day and night school to finish High School while I was pregnant (I had been tremendously behind because I never planned to graduate). Then later, after I had my son, he became sick and did not receive good care because I could not afford medical insurance, so I decided I needed to go on to college for something really stable like accounting so I would always have insurance. He was my reason for graduating both High School and College and changing my whole life around.
1. MacDonald, William ; Farstad, Arthur: Believer's Bible Commentary : Old and New Testaments. Nashville : Thomas Nelson, 1997, c1995, S. Jn 3:20
2. Strong, James: The Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible : Showing Every Word of the Text of the Common English Version of the Canonical Books, and Every Occurrence of Each Word in Regular Order. electronic ed. Ontario : Woodside Bible Fellowship., 1996, S. G5457
3. Strong, James: The Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible : Showing Every Word of the Text of the Common English Version of the Canonical Books, and Every Occurrence of Each Word in Regular Order. electronic ed. Ontario : Woodside Bible Fellowship., 1996, S. G2920
4-10. Brown, Bene, Ph.D., L.M.S.W., The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Hazelden. Center City, MN. 2010.
11-13, 15. Jakes, T.D. Naked and Not Ashamed. Destiny Image Publishers, Inc., Shippensburg, PA. 1998.
14. Beaumont, Leland R. Emotional Competency. “Humiliation: No one likes being treated like dirt” Located at: http://www.emotionalcompetency.com/humiliation.htm#humility Last Accessed: 5/31/11
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