Make your ear attentive to wisdom, Incline your heart to understanding
“And shall make Him of
quick understanding,
and His delight shall
be in the reverential and obedient fear of the Lord.
And He shall not judge by
the sight of His eyes,
neither decide [reprove] by
the hearing of His ears;
But with righteousness and
justice shall He judge the poor
and decide with fairness for the meek, the poor, and the downtrodden of the earth;
Isaiah 11:3-4a
and decide with fairness for the meek, the poor, and the downtrodden of the earth;
Isaiah 11:3-4a
To be of quick understanding is the Hebrew word ruach, Strongs#7306. It means to perceive. It also is used to mean 'smell' or delight in anticipation. It was first used in Gen. 8:21, “The Lord smelled (rauch) a sweet savor. [1]
Not only would our coming Savior understand the poor by our hearts in delighted anticipation of obedience, but rather than judge us by the actions He saw with His eyes and reprove us for what He heard, He would judge the poor with justice, righteousness and true 'fairness.'
Ever just felt understood and valued? Had someone who was for you? Where you didn't have to worry that what you say or do would be interpreted and judged by your actions? Someone saw the actual you behind your actions. They saw and spoke to your heart and deeper intentions.
This is a hollowed place where one feels understood. They feel lifted up where they were bowed down rather than crushed with opinions and judgments for one's actions.
Haagar experienced this kind of understanding from God. In Genesis 16, she had ran from Sarai. After becoming pregnant by Abram, Haagar despised Sarai in contempt and then was mistreated by her. When she had ran into the desert, God spoke to her. He did not judge or condemn her for her actions.
Rather, He spoke to her heart that she would have a son. He said to her, “You shall name him Ishmael [God hears], for the Lord has heard of your misery.” And He called her into His purposes – to go back and submit to Sarai. She told Him, “You are the God who sees me” because she felt so understood and cared for.
The Samaritan woman
at the well also experienced this kind of understanding. When she
came to draw water, Jesus sitting by the well, asked her for a drink.
She was surprised because Jews saw Samaritan's as beneath them and
would not associate with them. She said to Him in John 4:9, “You
are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a
drink?”
Jesus goes on to expose that she does not have a husband. He tells her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.”
Most commentary note
that He was exposing her sin as she was a “morally bankrupt”
woman. However, more than likely, He was exposing her deep pain.
Women were considered property back in the time of Jesus. They did
not have the freedom to own property or earn a living. They were
forced to depend upon men (spouse or father) to support them for
their survival.
Also
during this time men discarded women for the smallest offense. More
than likely her dreams had been shattered as she had been used and
discarded by five men who married her and now the one she had would
not even give her the honor or title of wife.
Her response was not that of shame for being judged and reproved but rather acknowledgment that He saw and understood her. “Sir,” the woman said, “I can see that you are a prophet.”
We are constantly making interpretations from people's actions. What happens is that we see with our eyes and hear with our ears the facts and then make our interpretations of those actions. We use our past experience and often put ourselves in the other person's shoes to make judgments. Once we draw our interpretations and conclusions, our emotions follow.
Her response was not that of shame for being judged and reproved but rather acknowledgment that He saw and understood her. “Sir,” the woman said, “I can see that you are a prophet.”
We are constantly making interpretations from people's actions. What happens is that we see with our eyes and hear with our ears the facts and then make our interpretations of those actions. We use our past experience and often put ourselves in the other person's shoes to make judgments. Once we draw our interpretations and conclusions, our emotions follow.
Anna Maravelas
writes, “The ability to separate fact from interpretation is one of
the most valuable skills in opening a problem-solving dialogue.
Facts don't determine how you feel, your interpretations and
assumptions do. In the 1960s, Albert Ellis clearly differentiated
the flow between facts, our interpretations of those facts, and our
emotions.” [2]
Our mind actually
does this very quickly without us realizing it. We use past
knowledge, experience and presumptions to fill in the blanks. As an
example of how quickly the mind interprets data, read the below
paragraph:
Aoccdrnig
to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht
oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the
frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the
huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a
wlohe. [3]
When we act
ourselves, we know our intentions so we see our actions in light of
our intentions and give ourselves grace. When we do something wrong,
it is in context of our intention and past.
But in seeing other's actions, we do not have the privilege of seeing clearly their intentions (without prayerfully asking the Holy Spirit to direct us and give us understanding.) It is based upon our past experience and understanding that we fill in the blanks and make interpretations of other's actions out of the facts.
In a workshop I
attended today to earn some CPE credit on problem solving and
creative thinking, the instructor did a role play where he came into
the class room, clomped across the room, roughly grabbed a chair and
sat down, sighed, taped his fingers and looked around, threw down his
handouts, scanned through them with a look of disgust, and then got
up and left. He then asked us for our description of what
happened.
What was interesting
is that most people could not keep their interpretation separate from
the facts. Even the above description
has clear suggestions of interpretation of the actions.
What was also interesting is that more than 80% of the class
assumed he was a jerk and were annoyed with him. About 5% - 10% of
the class assumed that he had a really bad day and then ended up in
the wrong classroom. For those, they had compassion on him. For 1
to 2% of the class, they admitted to having took it personal (like
they were being judged as being an idiot for being there)
and felt small (a sense of rejection from it).
Anna Maravelas
writes, “Every time we face frustration, the way we think about it,
not the event itself, determines how frustrated we feel and how
effectively we respond.” [4] Below are three common responses to
our frustration:
It's your fault.
The first response she notes is
reflexive and inflammatory – it targets other people as the source
of our problems. It is blame oriented. She notes that this time of
“you” response just makes the environment more hostile. [5]
This is a very
typical response as demonstrated in the role model above. Most
people assume the worst when a problem occurs. Another example of
this kind of response is if someone is going down the road and comes
up behind you trying to get around you. You most likely think to
yourself, 'what a jerk!
This happened when I
was a young mom. I had someone drive me to the hospital because my
son split his lip open when he fell and hit a corner of a table. It
was bleeding everywhere. I was panicked and covered in blood. It
would have took longer to wait for an ambulance than to drive so I
had someone drive me. I asked them to just honk their horn and go
around people where they possibly could. As they did, this person
became offended in front of us and purposely slowed down very slow
while blocking our way as we honked and tried to go around them. We
finally came to a stop light and I got out of the car covered in
blood walking up to them while holding my son and his lip together.
When they finally realized we were not being jerks, they pulled over
and got out of the way to let us by.
It's my fault.
She writes that the second form of reaction is harsh self-criticism,
and typically begins to dominate our thinking after the first
adrenaline response fades. She notes that we turn the contempt
inward and withdraw, become depressed and feel helpless or immobile.
[6]
Often this type of
response happens quickly with someone who suffers from
self-rejection. People with an abusive childhood more frequently
later struggle with issues of depression and helplessness as they
quickly move into self blame when things go wrong.
Anna Maravelas gives
a scenario where three employees walk by a boss who usually is very
friendly but this time she ignores them. The first employee thinks,
'she is stuck up' now that she was promoted (blame other). The
second employee thinks, 'she is mad at me, I screwed up' (blame
self). The third employee dares to wonder and question what might
be behind her unusual behavior (question). [7]
Ask questions and focus on the problem not the person. The third reaction she notes, looks at the situation and assumes the best about the person involved. This type of response creates an atmosphere of respect, cooperation, confidence and resilience. [8]
Rather than make assumptions of the intentions of people, this type of response is curious. It assumes the best of the person and asks questions where there is a lack of understanding. It looks for the best and hopes the best.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not
boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not
self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of
wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the
truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always
perseveres.
What is interesting
is that this verse does not say love thinks the best with certain
people and other's are just jerks. When we are looking at someone
as a 'jerk' we are not seeing them or looking at them with
understanding.
When we don't know, we can assume the best about other's intentions. Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brothers and
sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right,
whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything
is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
As Jesus calls us to follow Him, He asks us to be
like Him. In this, He would have us not to 'see' with our eyes and
judge from what we hear, but to perceive in our hearts understanding
with the help of the Holy Spirit.
When I was going on
a mission trip to Haiti, during training Steve Hanson would tell us
to withhold judgment about differences and be curious. In opening
our hearts up to ask questions in humility and a willingness to learn
from others, it gave us put us on a more level field to enter into
relationships and grow from our differences. It opened our hearts
for the Holy Spirit to help us gain understanding.
Whenever we feel
frustrated and annoyed with someone, it reflects a lack of
understanding of them. We do not 'see them'. However, not being
frustrated does not necessarily mean that we are seeing and
understanding people.
I was speaking to
someone recently who I greatly admire for his ability to really 'see'
and 'understand' with his heart, especially the poor and overlooked.
He told me of a situation where a young person asked their leader a
question on if they have ever had been bullied. Their leader
responded, 'no' but said they had seen it before. This friend I
admire mentioned that the young person was asking their leader a
deeper question... do you see me and the pain of been bullied... do
you understand?
Too often we are like this leader who miss hearing the real question being asked
all together in our attempt to answer what we see and hear in front
of us. We miss taking the time, slowing down and really listening
with our hearts to what is being said so that we understand.
A few questions we
could ask ourselves as we begin to move towards understanding rather
than drawing assumptions or jumping to conclusions,
- What do I need to know in order to understand the other person and their situation better?
- What are they asking of me?
- What do they really need?
- How could I help them or meet their true need?
- How could I demonstrate understanding?
Lord, quicken us and
help us to see where we are making assumptions and don't really
understand. Teach us to listen and see with our hearts. I so long
to be better at this. And forgive me for the so many times that I
fill in the blanks and make assumptions. I can see where
self-rejection has been a significant battle for me over the years.
I have been quick to assume that I must have offended someone or
something is wrong with me... Thank you for the healing You have been
giving me in this area, please continue to help me change the way I
think.
2, 4-8. Maravelas, Anna. How to
Reduce Workplace Conflict and Stress. Career Press. Prompton
Plains, NJ. 2005.
3. MRC.
Cognition and Brain Science Unit. Located at:
http://www.mrc-cbu.cam.ac.uk/people/matt.davis/cmabridge/.
Last Accessed: 6/26/13.
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