Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

“You are barren and have no children, but all of that is about to change. You will conceive and have a son. Be careful that you don't drink wine or any other spirits (strong drink), and don't eat anything that is ritually impure, for you are going to become pregnant and have a son. Don't ever use a razor on his head, because you will raise this boy as a Nazirite, dedicated to the True God from his conception, and he will be the one to begin delivering Israel from the Philistines.” (Judges 13:6-7)

These were the instructions the messenger of God gave to Manoah's wife. In a moment, her life was changed and as she was once barren, she now would have a child. This child would be a Judge in Israel and begin delivering the people from the Philistines. She immediately believed and told her husband. She also began to seek God's further guidance.

In Judges 13:8 she requests, “Eternal One, please let the man of God whom you sent visit us again and teach us what to do with the boy You are giving us.” She went on to ask in Judges 13:12, “When your words come true, what rules should we apply to the boy? What is his mission in life?”

We need to be open and listen for what God might be speaking to us about our children. Sometimes we (okay, I) think we know how to raise our children the best and we do what we think we are supposed to rather than truly listening. If God gives us any specific instructions, we need to take them seriously and follow them.

Each child is uniquely created in God's image with a purpose in life. When we treat children uniquely according to their gifts and passions rather than treating them all the same, it validates and affirms them and they grow deeper into who they are.

Michelle Anthony in her book Spiritual Parenting notes that God has entrusted parents with the unique privilege of helping our children discover their identity. [1] We help our children to become and grow into all God has for them.

Manoah's wife listened carefully. She was not afraid to do things differently than others. She followed in detail the specific instructions that were provided to her. As a result of her faith, continuous inquiry and obedience to the Lord, it says that as he grew, God blessed him and the Spirit of God began to move in him.

Manoah's wife passed faith and spirituality onto her son. Sampson, like his mother, had a bold belief in God. He knew he could not cut his hair or he would lose his strength and he believed this. And when he was thirsty, he looked to God to split a rock open for him to drink.

Deuteronomy 6:5-7 instructed Israel to love the Lord with every once of their being, make the commands part of who they are and teach them to their children. “Talk about them when you're sitting together in your home and when you're walking together down the road. Make them the last thing you talk about before you go to bed and the first thing you talk about the next morning.”

In passing off our faith to our children, it comes first from loving the Lord ourselves with every once of our being. When the commands are part of who we are and we live them out genuinely, our children will see them modeled and naturally follow. If we want our children to have a close walk with God, we need to first have this kind of relationship with God ourselves.

We also need to talk about our faith with our children, telling them stories and sharing with them about faith in God as they are living out their daily life. As we teach and instruct our children in the ways of the Lord, they grow in more Christlikeness.

Michelle Anthony writes about creating space for God's Spirit to be at work. She asks, “So how can we as parents create environments in our homes that will allow our children to not only hear God's words but also have an opportunity to put them into practice?” [2]

Most importantly, our children need to be rooted and grounded in God's love. They need to know that they are loved and purposefully and uniquely created. David proclaimed in Psalm 139:14, “I will offer You my grateful heart, for I am Your unique creation, filled with wonder and awe. You have approached even the smallest details with excellence. Your works are wonderful; I carry this deep within my soul.

When life is difficult, our child fails, or someone diminishes them, they need to be able to fall back into God's (and our) arms and know deep in their soul that they are very much loved and they are a wonderful work that is learning and growing.

Parents are also responsible for helping our children grow in Christlike character. Dr.'s Henry Cloud and John Townsend write, “The real goal of parenting is developing mature character. When children grow up with mature character, they are able to take their place as adults in the world and function properly in all areas of life. Character growth under God is the main goal of child rearing, for character provides the structure and ability to respond to life's challenges. In other words, character is the sum of our abilities to deal with life as God designed us to.” [3]

Character was a significant area of failure for Sampson. Sampson did not have a strong core of knowing right from wrong he was instead impulsive, indulgent and gave into others easily. He does not seem to have learned any self-restraint. He was also full of impulsive anger and blame, then acting out in revenge. As a result, this grew into more difficulties that perpetuated as he became older and were his ultimate demise.

Sampson's parents indulged their son in his impulsive actions rather than restrain him and call him to repentance. Sampson told his father about a Philistine woman he saw, “You have to get her for me. She is the one and is pleasing in my eyes” (Judges 14:3b). So Sampson and his parents traveled to get her and made a wedding feast of food and drink as was the custom of men being married.

This appetite for instant gratification only perpetuated as he fed it. Later on in his life when Samson went to Gaza, Judges 16:1 says, “he saw a prostitute there who pleased him, so he went to be with her.”

Character is more than learning to be truthful, although this is important. In Boundaries, Henry Cloud and John Townsend give “Ten Laws of Boundaries” that I believe are also important in instilling character in children:

Law #1: The Law of Sowing and Reaping. This is the law that you reap the consequences of what you sow[4]. Sometimes as parents, we want to protect our children from natural consequences. As a result, they fail to learn from irresponsible behavior and continue the same destructive patterns. Repentance is an important characteristic in building character and sometimes one needs to suffer consequences before they change.

Law #2: The Law of Responsibility. This is the law that we are responsible to ourselves.[5] We help our children grow when we help them to take responsibility. We also help them to grow by helping them understand that they are not responsible for how others feel, think or behave.

Law #3: The Law of Power. This is the power to agree with the truth about our problems, admit moral failures and our own powerlessness at times over some patterns. [6] We need to teach our children dependence upon Him rather than self reliance. God meets us in our places of powerlessness with "awesome deeds of righteousness" when we look to him.

Law #4: The Law of Respect. This is the law of respecting others boundaries and decisions, and accepting when they tell us “no” [7]. Our children need to learn to accept no for an answer. More than this, they need to learn the law of respecting all people. All people are God's children and worthy of our respect. Whenever we treat anyone with contempt or disrespect, we are sinning.

Law #5: The Law of Motivation. This is the law of being rightly motivated out of love instead of fear, guilt, or other motive [8]. Teaching our children to act out of love and identify their other motives grow them in their capacity to love God with all their hearts and to serve out of pure motives.

Law #6: The Law of Evaluation. This is the law of of both speaking the truth and receiving the truth from others. As they note, “We need confrontation and truth from others to grow.”[9] We need to teach our children to love the truth. Rather than hide in darkness and pretend, to be bold and move towards the light of truth with a spirit of love for self and others.

Law #7: The Law of Proactivity. This is making the transition from reactive to proactive [10]. We sometimes teach our children to be passive and compliant to us. It feels good to have order for the moment but it can lead later to kids taking more a victim or passive aggressive approach to life. Henry and Townsend write, “Proactive people show you what they love, what they want and what they stand for. Proactive people don't demand 'rights' they live them. They are able to 'die to self' and not 'return evil for evil.'” [11]

Law #8: The Law of Envy. They note that envy leaves one empty and unfulfilled as what we have is never enough and what we want is always in the hands of others. They note that taking action and working toward what you want rather than resenting what others have is the only way out. [12]. My two kids fall into envy of each other. One sees what the other has and suddenly they want what they never thought about before and what they have is suddenly garbage. It is my job as parent to help them learn to care for each other rather than envy each other.

Law #9: The Law of Activity. This is the law of taking initiative and asserting ourselves rather than sitting back in passivity. [12]. Our children need to learn that failure is okay and is part of learning. They need to know they are going to be frustrated as they are learning. But as they keep with it, they will grow in their ability. Whatever they set their heart and mind to, they have capacity to move towards.

Law #10: The Law of exposure. This is the law that we exist in relation to God and others [13]. Basically, it is the law of community. We need to teach our children to learn to navigate their relationships in a positive, loving and real way.

Lord, I don't always know what I am doing or have a clue to deal with some of the challenges I face. But I have found that as I look to You, You meet me there in incredible ways. I am so grateful and feel incredibly undeserving of such goodness. It is such a significant responsibility to grow our children in Christlikeness. Meet us in it and help us to do it well. 

1-2.  Anthony, Michelle.  Spiritual Parenting: An Awakening for Today's Families.  David, C. Cook, Colorado Springs, Co.  2010.

3.  Cloud, Dr. Henry and Townsend, Dr. John.   Life Journey Bible Excerpt.  

4-12. Cloud, Dr. Henry and Townsend, Dr. John.   Boundaries.  Zondervan, Grand Rapids, MI.  1992.